Conspicuous Piety

Anonymous asked, "A quick question. "Don't be conspicuously pious" strikes home. So should I cross myself before having lunch with folks from the office?"

Anon,
Some of my friends are for it, some are against it and I'm with my friends.  :)

Personally, I generally don't. I don't want to be identified as a Christian by my co-workers by my "pious acts" but rather by my Christian acts that they would not view as a public "show" of my religion.

Lately Tim Tebow has taken the issue of public displays of personal piety to a new level. (Not that no athlete has ever crossed themselves, prayed or knelt in the end zone before).  But for some reason he has spawned an "in your face" public piety that I think speaks of the polarization of evangelical American Christianity and the culture more than perhaps the piety and beliefs of those who practice it.

I will lay aside the fact that "this is a free country and we can pray, bow, chant or stand on our heads for Christ, Allah, Zeus, the Cosmic Chicken King, or our Fairy God-mother."  That is not the issue. What we are free to do does not make doing it edifying nor compelling to those who watch.

The issue for me is, who is it for and what does it accomplish?
 
Of course there are those who think crossing, praying in public and Tebowing are "standing up for Christ".  Perhaps. It does take a degree of either courage or social unawareness to do something in public that would be viewed as stupid or offensive by some. However, doing something socially awkward and offensive, even if it is well intended or even religiously motivated doesn't make it good, it just means the "doer" is well, offensive and awkward.  That's why multi-level marketing works.  And just because someone is insulted for a display of anything doesn't make one a martyr for the cause.  Street evangelists with loudspeakers who harass passers-by are rightfully persecuted for being annoying asses whether they are selling cell phone plans or salvation.  But is this all on the same level as crossing one's self before a meal in front of friends?

The questions for me are: "Is it really standing up for Christ?" and "Who is it for?" Personally, I tend to think of religious displays done publicly as standing on the street corner making a show that might impress some other Christians.  I think it drives a wedge between me and a cynical unbeliever that I would never reach with pious behavior but possibly can reach with love.  I would rather have someone not be surprised if they saw me cross myself than to be surprised that I DO cross myself, if you get my drift.  The "aroma of Christ" and the "adornment of holiness" is, according to St. Paul, our lives, not our words or "washing of hands" in public.  The true sign of the Cross is the crucified life, the outward sign (the "icon", if you will) of the Cross must have a correspondence to something real (incarnate, if you will) to those who witness it.  Without the correspondence and integrity of the incarnate and the sign/icon, the outward is merely a potential for an awkward moment or possibly an offense, and perhaps worse, an hypocrisy waiting to be called out.  That is why I don't buy making the sign of the cross as a particularly good thing to do even though it is congruent with the fine points of Orthodox theology. We should not expect to be judged favorably or accurately by those who do not share our theological paradigm, nor should we begin "teaching them" about our faith with displays of private piety and the esoterica of our religion.  Our initial point of contact should be the common ground of both our experiences and expectations of "true religion" (and ultimately what the sign of the Cross really MEANS and really points both of us to): self sacrificial love for one's neighbor.  Even the irreligious can understand that and can be impressed by it. Becoming all things to all men, according to St. Paul, sometimes means giving up the trappings of our personal piety in order to not be judged wrongly by the unbeliever.

IF someone I know ever converts and asks why I didn't cross myself and pray in front of them, I'd just say I didn't want to make them uncomfortable or offend them out of respect for their beliefs at the time.

All that said, I'm inconsistent and it depends on who I am with. I generally pray or cross myself if I am with other Christians (even some evangelicals). I generally don't in a mixed group with people I don't know and who don't know me well enough to know I am either a Christian or at least a "helluva nice guy". If I'm eating alone or when I DO make a sign of the Cross in a public setting, I keep it small and quick because its for me, not everyone else. 

So for me, I'd rather be seen in public taking up my cross and dying to myself than crossing myself.  Of course, it's not an "either/or" but I better be damned sure if I go for the "both/and" I better have both lest I put the Cross to open shame and hold it up to public ridicule by my actions (I think St. Paul in Hebrews has something about that...). 

By the way, yes, I'd put an icon in my cubicle.

Following Too Closely

Everyone is going somewhere.

Most of the time the place people THINK they are going is neither where they are headed nor where they end up.  Even in a "spiritual journey".

Therefore, don't follow anyone too closely. Keep enough distance to see the road ahead.

Tailgating in cars and spirituality usually ends up in a wreck.

Transitions

I've been on my new job for about 5 months now.  Even though I've not been in an office environment for 35 years and out of "human services" as a career for over 30 years, not ever working in a school context nor knowing Microsoft Office like the back of my scarred and wrinkled hand, my main concern was not   human services competence to deal with problem people (having run a social work construction business and dealt with Orthodox Missions), computer skills (I have enough), or ability to learn the job (I catch on quick)... it was "Can I work for someone else?"

"Working for someone else", of course, is a red herring. Even if you are self-employed, you work for someone else.  EVERY client is "someone else".  I realized a long time ago that *I* am not my "own boss"... every client is my boss. Some days I had three or four bosses.  Being self employed,  I didn't have to deal with one personality and one set of expectations a day, but several.   One learns to be incredibly flexible and perceptive when one has to discern and please a lot of different personalities daily. The upside was if I didn't discern well, the job was finite... I could finish it, even if it took all day to please the client and I lost my ass for a day's wages bending over backwards for someone, at the end of the project I could walk away and go on (as we say in construction) to "New Money" and I didn't ever have to go back unless I chose to.  The problem in an office environment is you can't "move on to new money" tomorrow morning.  These people are the people you will deal with forever unless you want to find a new job.   So after a few months at my probationary period evaluation the question I asked myself was, "Would I rather deal with a daily/hourly change of bosses and co-workers or can I deal with these people on a long term basis?"  Do I quit or do I stay?

In my final hiring interview I told the Executive Director that I didn't NEED the job and I was interviewing them as they were interviewing me.  I said, if I had gotten the impression that the people I'd met were small, petty and prone to drama I'd turn the job down and stay in construction, but I liked how they interacted and I liked everyone I'd met so I would take the job if offered.  After five months, is the place perfect with perfect people? No, of course not.

The challenge for me was (and is) after 30 years in construction, how do I "be a Christian" in an office environment where I interact with people for eight or more hours a day and every day forever as opposed to a few hours once in a while and with an expectation that the relationship will end at an agreed upon time.  It's easy to fake being anything in short spurts and in limited exposure (much like being a Christian at Church...but that's another blog post issue).  When people deal with you every day it is harder to hide the quirks, touchy spots and baggage. And on top of that I represent the "company" to clients, I don't just represent myself.

Well, the good news is, people are people. The things that "work" in construction work in an office work at Church work in marriage work in driving on the freeway in rush hour work in a monastery work at the grocery store work on the street corner with the homeless guy with a sign... etc.  What "works" is simple, really.  Just be a saint.

Be silent.  (My opinion isn't a necessity.)

Speak with grace if speaking is a necessity.

Acknowledge people's goodness.

Apologize sincerely even if the wrong is only perceived.

Don't engage in nor take morbid interest in debates, disputes and gossip.

Go the second mile without being asked.

Give the cloak when asked for a shirt (do more than expected).

Be concerned about other's burdens.

Say please. And thank you.  Often.

Ask for help. 

Be gracious for unasked for help.

Bring donuts.

Don't boast.  About anything.

Be someone who is known to have a sense of humor.

Don't be conspicuously pious.

Compliment other people behind their backs.

Say "Good morning" and "Goodbye".

There's probably more, but off the top of my head those are a few things I can see work everywhere, at all times, with all people.

Or, I suppose I could just say, love your neighbor and be humble.

But then that would be too easy.

Orthodoxy in the Workplace

The student was not treated well by our staff person. 

The parent was outraged.  The mother left a voicemail for me after hours.  I could tell she was REALLY trying to be calm. "I will call you in the morning," she said. The father was the "contact parent" on the roster.

I talked to the Admin. person responsible for the offending party. They said they would deal with it.

I decided to make a pre-emptive apology. I called the Mom and then the Dad... I apologized every way I knew how for the "School's behavior".  Damage control accomplished, relationship restored. 

In cubicles sound carries over the 5 foot walls. 

When I was done, the people around me gathered and said, "We've NEVER heard anyone grovel and apologize so eloquently and sincerely... that was AMAZING!"

I told them, "Obviously you have not offended as many priests, bishops and monks as I have."

Orthodoxy works in the real world. 

Tools of My New Trade....

I actually had to go back and read my own blog to see what I've posted since I made my career change back in August.  For 30+ years these were some of the tools of my trades:

I applied for and got the "new career" back in August and exchanged nailers, screw guns, saws and job sites for a new set of tools and a cubicle.

Yes, that is a Dunkin Donuts bag on the desk, with a "chocolate glazed" in it. It is 30 cents more to get TWO donuts and coffee than one donut and coffee and I can't resist a deal.  They just opened a Dunkin Donuts 4 blocks from my house and work.

And yes, that is a two monitor set up (my school provided laptop and a second monitor). I NEVER imagined I'd be geeky enough to require two monitors, but after getting a good case of carpal tunnel from cutting and pasting Excel Spreadsheet info on 65 students all day on a single laptop screen, I'm a convert.  FOUR monitors might even be better.  It is unbelievable how much data I have to keep track of.  After 5 months I still have some learning curve left to navigate.

Anyway,  the main problem for the past 5 months has been that once I got the new job, construction picked up.  Someone told me that I should have an estate sale and get rid of all my construction tools because if I didn't I'd always go back to it.  They were right.  I've ended up working "side jobs" every night after "work" and every weekend for the past 5 months.  16-18 hour days have been pretty common.  It has been a mixed blessing because we owe the IRS about $10,000.00 and a lot of back medical bills. The other issue is, I'm still not comfortable with the career change.

I had my 90 day evaluation and I know I'm "IN".  I know I do a good job because I put my heart into it and the administration has recognized that in a performance evaluation.  Everyone in the office likes me.  I bring some new skills and talents to the organization.  Job security is not an issue.  But 30+ years of self-employment dies hard even if you are going broke doing it.  When I'm self employed my destiny is in my own hands.  If I work for an organization I can lose everything on a whim of an administrator or a budget cut or an ill-worded email or a lapse of judgment, and I'm on the street.  I like being at the mercy of my own devices than being at the mercy of what, in the end, is a corporation that makes decisions on factors that are out of my control.

So the new career is going well all in all. I like the job. I like the people I work with. I like the kids I "guide".  Not to mention every two weeks money magically appears in my checking account.  It's not much, but it is more than I've seen in three years regularly.  There's a lot to be said for that these days.

I don't have a whole lot of deep thoughts about all that right now because I just got home from work and work and I had a donut and coffee 14 hours ago and I'm hungry.  Hunger trumps philosophy.  And maybe that's deep.....

I'm Back....

Well. It has been a while, hasn't it.  Time flies when you get sucked into Facebook.

Seriously. I started out on FB a couple years ago as "Moo Turtle" to have some anonymity and keep the "friends" list down. I'd heard of FB overload. I avoided the "number of friends competition bug". But, I couldn't turn people down who found me.  Before long I was spending hours a day commenting on wall posts of dozens of people I'd never met.  Yeah, it was fun, but it eventually consumed me.

A couple weeks ago I had to confront the reality that Facebook was virtually my "community".  I disabled Moo Turtle. I have to admit I didn't abandon FB entirely.  I now have an account with nothing recognizable except my name. I won't "friend" anyone I haven't met face to face, and even then it has to be someone that I have enough connection to that an email once in a while won't do.  We'll see how that works. I know now I can click a delete button and not look back.

So. I want to get back to what I loved doing BFB (Before Face Book): writing, cartooning and podcasting.

A lot has happened the last 6 months.  It will take a few blog posts to chronicle and comment about.  The basic outline is this:

1. New career:  screw guns, hammers, ladders and saws to Excel Spreadsheets, email, cubicle and reports.

2. Old career: as soon as I got a new job, construction picked up. Can I leave my old lover?

3. Family: Parents are aging, health issues, uncertain futures, children with new horizons.

4. Goofodoxy:  Church related issues, transitions and hard decisions about Church.

5.  General observations on life, cancer, cars, ice cream, TV's, carports, dogs, turtles and stuff.

If you used to follow closely, I hope you will check in once in a while again.  It may take me a few weeks to get back into the swing of blogging (which, by the way, has been deemed "old school" by the Twits). There's a lot going on and in between dealing with what's going on, I hope to chronicle it here and make it worth your time to check in.

Lucy! I'm home!

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