Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Orthograph # 133 - Bad Symbiosis

8 comments:

Cha said...

Exactly.

s-p said...

The Wifey and I were talking the other night and she said, "You need to be wonderful, don't you?" That's what wives are for. I was reflecting on my own ministry disasters and ones I've watched unfold over the years and recently some that people have told me about. It almost always results in a tangled mess when someone who needs attention meets someone who needs to be wonderful. I don't know if there is a psychological test for this, but it behooves churches to take a second look at people going into ministry for this reason.

JLB said...

So what *exactly* does "needing to be wonderful" mean?

s-p said...

JLB, "Needing to be wonderful" is a dysfunctional desire to have people perceive you as "wonderful" that affects how you present yourself to people in order to get admiration. Ultimately it is a manipulation and a facade. When "wonderful" people meet people who "need to be special" to someone who is "wonderful" it is usually a recipe for disaster.

Matushka Anna said...

"Don't be concerned with others loving you, but with you loving Christ and others. This is the only way for the soul to be filled."

-Elder Porphyrios

[Now, if only I could internalize that...]

Andrew Seraphim said...

Wow. Bang-freakin'-on. This should be posted in every church in the world... And dangling on a string in front of my face.

ofgrace said...

This goes really well with this:

http://orthodoxleader.paradosis.com/2011/05/13/delusion-free-decision-making/

You are so right about this, and I'm sad to say I've had painful experience more than once of how this kind of leader can cripple, maim, and scatter his flock.

s-p said...

ofgrace, Good link, thanks. This venn diagram is at the heart of almost every instance of sexual misconduct, "guru wannabe" leadership and delusional self-assessment of one's own spirituality. Ultimately it is indeed merely "vainglory" and prelest. But unfortunately at the intersection of "needy people" there are people who want and need to be needed. It "feels like truth" because it is always framed as if it is "the love of Christ", but in the end it is a lie as St. Theophan points out.