What a

depressing blog...someone says. Hmmm... I muse. I go to the blogsite with the links to a zilliongazillion other blogs. What's depressing? Blogs about wanton sexual encounters, blogs about sports statistics, blogs about movie stars, blogs about rock bands, blogs ranting in free verse into an oblivious universe, blogs crying for a reader to acknowledge that the writer exists...

I suppose to some I have depressing circumstances. Comparatively I suppose there are even more depressing lives other people are living. But people don't get much comfort from comparing their lives to other's. "It could be worse, cheer up" doesn't go far, and certainly won't get you a graduate degree in counseling, nor will it make people regard you as a wellspring of spiritual advice.... Even if it's true and good advice....

There is something noble about martyrdom in people's minds. Its an "ultimate sacrifice" based on principles and hard choice in the face of great pain and loss. I suppose if we face life like it is martyrdom, though it is a slow and sometimes painful torturous process, it has a sense of nobility to it. We purposefully climb onto the altar. We conciously give our life, cut ourselves off from the safety and comfort of the familiar, the warm, the shelter and conveniences of what feels good and right at the moment for the sake of a higher good. Its kind of like jumping on the hand grenade that blows up, not all at once, but slowly and inexorably piercing you with the shrapnel of life until your life is spent protecting those around you. Yeah, that sounds depressing, but make it into a war movie and have Tom Hanks do it in slow motion, there's not a dry eye in the house. The difference is when the hand grenade is real you only have to jump on it once and its a done deal. When it is life, you have to make the decision by the minute sometimes. That is true martyrdom, that is heroic and a bazillion people do it every day.

So no. My life isn't depressing. It only gets depressing when I live unconciously, obliviously and
willfully pursuing comforts and exchanging the truth of my life for the lie of mind and soul numbing entertainments and distractions. I'd rather pay attention to the reality of the world than escape it. Well, most of the time.

So, you'll have to excuse me... I think I need to go help change my father in law's diaper, we had Mexican food tonight.