Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Step Away From the Keyboard....

Two beers on an empty stomach after climbing ladders for 8 hours in near 90 outside with no lunch is not the time to be writing blog posts.  Thank God for "DELETE".

Ukelele Awesomeness!

Watch for the Curmudgeophan sighting at 2:22!!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Fake Lent

My first couple of Lents I tried the "fake alternatives". Vegan mayo, black bean burgers, soy hot dogs, tofu rib eye steak. I decided to stop paying four times the price of the real thing for stuff that tasted like my 1950's elementary school paste and slightly flavored cardboard. I figured if I wanted a baloney sandwich that bad, I'd just eat cheap Kroger baloney and give the price difference to a homeless guy and go to confession. (No, phoney baloney didn't make me St. Sophrony, it just made me gag.)

So, because the government requires "Truth in Labeling" these are my Lenten warning labels for you newbies to fasting.


If you really HAVE to have a cheese fix?


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Lenten Rock Star

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven."

Give your alms in secret. (Oh, I can't podcast about my encounter with a homeless guy, or wear my ribbon and medallion when the Bishop visits? Dang.)

When you pray, don't pray like the hypocrites who love to stand and pray... (Oh, you mean The Great Canon and all the Lenten services aren't standing contests? Dang.)

Pray in your closet in secret. (Oh, you mean I can't walk around with my 300 knot prayer rope dragging on the ground? Dang.)

When you fast, don't look like you are fasting. (Oh, you mean I can't drop hints about my weight loss/gain, blog about my burger-jones, or tweet out all the vegan restaurants I'm eating at? Dang.)

As if I'm really a rock star of alms, prayer and fasting anyway...


Yeah, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion...
H/T Andrew for the photo

Curmdgeophan on Homilies

H/T David

Friday, March 11, 2011

And the winner is......

It was a brutal decision process. But since Curmudgeophan is not PC he's not going to blow smoke up your cassock (or headcovering) and say, "EVERYONE'S A WINNER" and hand out trophies like Halloween candy... because well, second place means your best wasn't good enough.

In keeping with the Lenten season we will humiliate some and elevate others so they'll have something to confess, keeping in mind the words of St. Isaac the Syrian, "It is nearly impossible to find a man who can endure honor, if there even exists such a man."

So, the members of the Academy of Orthohumorosity cast their votes and it was so close that they decided to award a "First Runner Up" to James' "Tropar for Fr. Tolstiy". 

And the Grand Prize Winner is (edited to fit the frame):


Congratulations to Fr. Benedict! If James and Fr. Benedict will email me a snail mail address at stevenpaul4 at cox dot net, I will send you each autographed copies of Laughing Jesus...

OOPS... No, that's not right....
Sorry, I had a flashback. The REAL prize is what you accomplished. You took the dare and made him laugh.

Congratulations and thanks to all! We'll do this again, for sure.

I now return you to the sobriety of your Lenten disciplines.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Leave me alone!

A few months ago I wrote about my 52 year struggle with my "call" to  the priesthood.

I figgered I had pretty much finally put that idea to rest. 

Three weeks ago our priest was out of town and we had a visiting retired Romanian priest who is attached and serves at a local Greek parish.  Being the subdeacon and having been around the Antiochians, Greeks, Serbians and the OCA, I assisted him in the altar and pretty much smoothed the speedbumps between what he was used to and what we do in the OCA.  At the end of the liturgy he said, "You will make a good priest some day..."  I just said, "Thank you, Father... God willing" but thought, "Thank God that's not on my radar anymore."

My sister made her annual visit this past week from Montana.  She mostly comes down to visit our parents  because my Dad is on borrowed time, and to spend a day with me, the Wifey and the kids. We were having our annual catch up bottle of wine and spiritual talk.  She said, "You know, you seem to be really at peace with who you are." I asked, "What do you mean?"  She said, "Don't take this wrong, but it's like you've become what you used to pretend to be." That is probably one of the top three most sucker punch statements anyone has made to me in my life.

So.

Last week I dropped off my HVLP paint sprayer gun to a new repair shop I've never been to before.  My old repair shop went out of business.  I was in my painter's garb... crappy jeans and stained T-shirt. I talked to the repairman for maybe five minutes, filled out my repair order with my name and cell phone number, and left.  They said they'd call me when it was repaired.  The repairman called my cell phone this morning.  I answered, "Hello..."

He said, "Father Robinson?  This is Joe at Spray Tech..."

Silence. 

Then I said, "Ummm... This is Steve Robinson. I dropped off an HVLP gun..."

He said, "Oh, yes... well, we have your gun ready."

WTFiloque?

I told my wife what happened. She said, "Ignore it, sweetie."

I love my wife. 

But of course I'm not ignoring it because I'm blogging about it. 

I hate this.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Current Government Economics


Due to the current economic crisis and budget shortfalls, we will have to lay off Jose.
H/T where ever this came from