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I often wonder how many more things I've done will be, in retrospect the further I get away from them, Quixotian.
The mix of ego, delusion, zealous idealism, ignorance, and lack of wisdom become more and more evident as I see my life from a distance. But then, I also see glimpses of courage, righteous fury, justice and mercy, even though tainted by a darkened heart, an unclear eye, and an undefined target.
For all the ferocity of the battles I've engaged, I don't know now that many were worth waging. My comfort is "God knows" and "all things work together for good to those that love the Lord".
I've given up on marching into hell for self-defined and church defined "heavenly causes".
The true battle is is in my own heart toward the person I am face to face with in the present moment. I cast a cynical eye on causes and injustices. I don't care about the "big picture" because politics and policy of countries and churches are still run by people who can even crucify God with their monied influences if they so choose.
Sometimes, I'm afraid I have become the compromised "Father" of "Father and Son" that I despised in 1970.
And I'm also afraid, in my dismount, I've engaged a far more real and serious and dangerous war.
7 comments:
> And I'm also afraid, in my dismount, I've engaged a far more real and serious and dangerous war.
Definitely. But "all things work together for good to those that love the Lord". Christ is risen!
Mr. Robinson,
I don't think our Lord mind as much about our impure motives as we do (Mark 9:39). He knows we are dust.
And if your stories of battles against the windmills have blessed us so much, how will not your future tales of battles against real giants continue to bless us, your listeners and readers.
So, Gambate!!, and please continue to share from your dismounted journey, it might mean more than you realize.
/Tomas
SP,
I echo Tomas' sentiments. The captcha phrase I had to type in was Guidenta upper". It's true! You've definitely been one of my upper guidentas. Thank you so much!
My takeaway is this gem:
"I've come to the conclusion that most things that engage the passions of modern man are distractions from the real warfare. We ride a high horse and joust with the wind, accomplishing nothing in the end but a feeling we've made a mark. But the wind bears no scars of battle, only we do. The true battle is is in my own heart toward the person I am face to face with in the present moment."
Please continue to share with us.
Yes, I, too, loved that image you evoke in the passage Drewster quotes. Orthodox tradition (esp. as interpreted on Fr. Stephen Freeman's blog) has, of course, played a huge role in helping me to understand that the most important spiritual war we wage is in our own hearts.
"Acquire the Spirit of peace, and everyone around you will be saved." This is our lifelong struggle.
I think engaging, even if only to share, not to battle, to be valuable. I have found your efforts to share, however fmbling they seem to you, to have been helpful to me over the last decade.
God puts us here to make a difference! Sometimes our neighbor IS the person we touch online, however disconnected the experience.
From that guy in Russia...
Steve! Melodramatic existentialism is one of your most endearing qualities! :) Persevere, Dude!
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